Attention muggle parents and children: By special order of the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Columbus Academy has been given special dispensation to present to you the Hogwarts Summer Satellite Program. Basic classes in Spells, Charms, Transfiguration, Divination, Care of Magical Creatures and Defense Against the Dark Arts are offered to all muggles in attendance. Special off-site class in Herbology offered midweek with a Hogwarts style feast upon passing of the OWLs. All muggles will learn Quidditch and will play on their house teams with exceptions for the lack of flying broomsticks. We look forward to your reply and will meet you at the sidewalk 9 3/4.